27.07.2024 by Mayajeff2_
Hello, I am a female teen who has been doing some self-reflection lately on how i act and react in different social situations. I started of by asking chat gpt if it had any answers on why I am like I am , they suggested i had traits of this personal trait. I did the test and got 124. Here are the details:
Category: Difficulty Identifying Feelings: 22 (6 - 30)
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.
Category: Difficulty Describing Feelings: 20 (4 - 20)
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.
Category: Externally-Oriented Thinking: 25 (7 - 35)
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.
Category: Restricted Imaginative Processes: 14 (7 - 35)
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.
Category: Problematic Interpersonal Relationships: 22 (6 - 30)
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.
Category: Sexual Difficulties and Disinterest: 6 (4 - 20)
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.
Category: Vicarious Interpretation of Feelings: 15 (3 - 15)
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.
I have for awhile now been questioning myself and why i cant feel or show certain emotions or feelings like others, for example i struggle to worry about my friends or people who are in my life. A friend can tell me their grandmother died who meant a lot to them, and honestly i dont feel bad for them at all. I cant feel anything. When a kid comes to me for support when they have hurt their knee, i feel awkward and dont know what to say and i cant tell if i feel empathy or not for the kids pain. I just feel lost. Also, my dad is selling his company to a very big company, i love my dad a lot and yet i could not feel any proudness or happiness for him. I felt lost again, like a bad person even if know deep down im not. When my family plans something fun, like a vacation i cant show any excitment whatsoever.
I have tried many times to show that i am excited for something, but i feel like a fraud and it doesnt feel right, even if i sort of know i deep down am happy/excited. In fact, I dislike expressing my feelings, not only because its difficult and i dont know how, I find it frustrating because people have also told me ive faked feelings when genuinely trying to express them. I also get frustrated by the thought of expressing myself because i feel like they should know what im feeling and i shouldnt need to open up and become vulnerable (Im trying to change this mindset). i have also noticed my impulsive thoughts and how i act on them without thinking about how it might hurt others (like leaving someone suddently, replacing them or not feeling the same about them in just a miniute) until these people tell me how i made them feel, and then i actually feel great guilt and how i want to undo everything and i instantly feel for them again. i think I feel more guilt and regret than a normal person experiences. If i have done something i regret it haunts me for months and i lose apetite, cant sleep, panic attacks and sudden races in heart beat and shaking. So once people actually tell me how they feel, thats when i can act on it and feel something. But i can never put myself in someone elses shoes beforehand, i always see from my own perspective. That way i am very selfish in situations. For example, my boyfriend before we got together confronted me and asked why i act like a robot with no feelings, he told me he wished i cared about him. Instantly after that day i genuinely cared about him more than ever, and i felt like i was finally able to show feelings. I think the way i act has a lot to do about some kind of protection/defense mechanism for my feelings so i dont get hurt and show vulnerability first. But im not sure. I know deep down i have a lot of empathy and feelings, but it is so hard for me to show them. And i also have this huge problem with being able to describe my feelings and put them into words. I asked my boyfriend about this, how people including him are so good at knowing what to say and understanding why and how they feel the way they feel. He said i need patience and experience. But maybe theres something else. I always understand my feelings and i can sort of identify them, but it is nearly impossible for me to accurately describe them. Im honestly just saying everything thats been floating in my head. Honestly, I dont think i have this personal trait, but maybe something else. Because i feel like i do lack empathy and that my struggle of expressing feelings isnt all about a protection mechanism for my feelings. Sometimes i simply feel nothing, even if i wish i could, only sometimes if the person in context mentions my lack of emotion, but not always. Honestly, I just want to know if this is normal or if i might have something because its eating me alive. I want to be able to protect the ones i care about, by knowing why i might not be able to show feelings for them, and so that they know why as well. A reason, an excuse