Topic: Hearts of ice?

Has anyone else felt scared of being inhuman? Especially pertaining to matters of love. I used to tell myself that there's no one I love more than maybe my parents, because I haven't had the chance to date or anything yet. ( Is a romantic relationship really that much more important than filial relationships? I digress)
But recently I realised that that feeling I called love could just be because my parents provide and cater for me, and have done it for longer than anyone else.
But my relationship with my father is somehow turbulent. No, it's like a rollercoaster, where one moment we're having fun and the next he gets on my nerves by...well.... that's a more complicated story. The thing is, I'm confused as to whether I hate him or not, especially because I don't feel that way when we're getting along.
My parents divorced ages ago, but my mother keeps telling me about how he's still my dad and I that probably love him just as he does me. But is that true?
Whenever I visit him, I feel nothing but weariness and apprehension somehow, like walking into a prison. Yet, I don't think I hate him. Cutting him out of my life might( probably will) have untold effects on me. But I still don't think I feel anything for him.
It hurts me that as much as I love my mum, it doesn't feel that way. So confusing.